Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I'm Trading My Sorrows

I'm Trading My Sorrows
Words and Music: Darryl Evans

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down
For the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down
For the joy of the Lord

We say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse
For His promise will endure
That His joy's gonna be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down
For the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down
For the joy of the Lord

We say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Amen

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Mom, the Encourager

In going through some of my things today I found a packet of letters and cards my family and friends sent to me my first semester away at college. (Yes, actual letters...this was before e-mail!) I found lots of sweet notes from Mom, all of them encouraging and heart warming, but this one in particular gives me great comfort:

*************************************************************************************
Dear Sweetie:

Hello babe. I sure miss walking in your room and trying to wake you. I enjoyed your card and message of encouragement to us as parents. You are a treasure, a gift from God. Our 19 years together have been wonderful and I am looking forward to the next years-education, marriage, children, career. There is such a great world ahead of you. I know that there will be hurts, disappointments and trials but as a Christian you have a tremendous resource in God. Always keep your ears turned to the Holy Spirit. He is your teacher and your comforter. You have us to encourage you, new friends, old friends, plus a good church, pastor and youth leader. Let God's word be a source of encouragement, direction and guidance. Remember Prov. 3:5 and 6. I will feel the most reassurance and confidence in the knowledge of God's hand on you and your hand in the hand of God. God bless and keep you.

Love, hugs, kisses and prayers, Mom
*************************************************************************************

Mom was such a woman of faith...she was comforted by her intimate knowledge of her savior, and I hope to live the life of faith that she did. She knew we would be OK...no matter what trials and tribulations came our way, as long as we were deeply rooted in the Word of God, and with the Holy Spirit as our guide and comfort. During this trial, this painful loss of HER in our lives, I know it's true. I know we will be OK. That doesn't mean we don't hurt, grieve or cry, but we know we will see her on the other side.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Happy Birthday, Mom...



Birthdays have always been special occasions for the Sarver family, largely because Mom worked hard to make sure we were properly celebrated on the day she worked so hard to bring us into this earth! And, since Mom and I shared birthdays just three days apart, we always celebrated together. This photo was from Mom's birthday dinner last year. I took her to Las Vegas to celebrate her 55th birthday with her sisters Suzi and Kathy. We had a blast. (We always did.) Exploring all the casinos, shopping, resting in the spa, relaxing by the pool, eating good food, seeing shows. She was so adventurous and full of life and celebrated each and every year God gave her. She never worried about getting older because she knew that meant the more time she spent on this earth, the more people she could bless. She managed to pack a lot in those nearly 56 years. Her legacy is one of kindness, generosity and service. She spent more time worrying, praying and caring for those around her then she did focused on her self. She was the picture of selflessness and example for all of us. My heart hurts today because I miss her. I want to call her and wish her happy birthday. I want to put my arms around her neck and kiss her soft cheek. I want to see her smile. I want to tell her I love her. Happy Birthday Mom. I miss you.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Happy Birthday Cheri!

Tomorrow, July 21st. would have been Cheri's 56th. birthday! She did not look 56! I don't know what that means but she looked and certainly acted much younger. I was never very good at giving her presents and cards. I did give those things to her but a lot of times it was out of a sense of duty and not love nor appreciation. How I wish I would have been more caring and sensitive to her needs and wishes. It's the little things dummy!

I just returned from a "Real Men of Impact" conference in Fort Worth with 10 of Baptist Temple's Men's Ministry Leadership Team. We had an incredible time of fellowship and bonding. One of the sessions that many of us attended was entitled "Letters From Dad". It was about writing a letter of love and appreciation telling each of your children (individually), your wife and even parents how much they were loved and appreciated. Needless to say it was a real "tear jerker" for me to attend as it was for most of those men in the class as well.

I used to write Cheri great love letters when I was courting her and while she was in Texas away from me in San Diego. But like most men, after we were wed, I began to take her for granted and let those little things like love notes and flowers fall by the wayside. You know, it does not take much to show you wife that you love her. Why are we (men) so dense when it comes to the needs and desires of our wives?

With all the above in mind and the occasion of Cheri's birthday on the 21st., I'm going to write her a letter of Blessing to say how I feel about her and post it for you to read. Perhaps it will inspire a husband or father who may read it to do the same for his wife and kids while he and they are still around to appreciate it.

My Dear Cheri,
On this day of July 21, 2008, I want to give you a Blessing.
I am Blessed because you are the mother of our children.
I am Blessed because you love me in spite of all my faults and shortcomings.
I am Blessed because you openly and freely love our Lord Jesus Christ.
I am Blessed because of your incredibly radiant smile.
I am Blessed because of your love, care, and nurturing of our children.
I am Blessed because you have forgiven me thousands of times when I hurt you.
I am Blessed because you pray daily for our family, including me.
I am Blessed because of your beautiful voice when you sing.
I am Blessed because of your love for Covenant Christian Academy.
I am Blessed because of your love for God's House and His people
I am Blessed because of the way you honor and esteem me.
I am Blessed because of the way you encourage me.
I am Blessed because I see you in our four wonderful, talented, gifted children.
I am Blessed because you chose me to be your husband 34 years ago.
I am Blessed because I know that one day I will see you again.
My life has been made richer and has been more fulfilling because of You!
Happy Birthday!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I Never Got To Tell Her....

I found the following article in my mailbox at Baptist Temple today. The author's name will follow at the end of the article. I don't remember meeting her but one thing is certain, Cheri made a tremendous impact on her life. In fact that impact has trickled down to the author's daughter. Cheri's life is and will be kind of like tossing a rock into a pond or lake. The ripples from the impact flow out in ever widening circles and touch all the boundaries of the that body of water. Her life has touched thousands of people of all ages and gender. Here is the story.


Usually when you see a friend's picture in the paper, your heart swells up with pride and happiness. It's as if you were friends with a local celebrity, and to a certain point - you are.



Today, I saw an old friend's picture in the paper and my heart sank. She looked just like I remembered her. Her radiant smile and shining eyes reflected all the infectious happiness she has inside. It wasn't the picture that struck the sad note, but the story to which it was attached.


"the wreck claimed the life of a well-known and respected Christian school

leader whose life inspired many children."


Cheri Sarver was my first boss in the professional field. I became a part time school teacher just a few weeks after graduating from college. It didn't make sense to me, I had studied communication, but I had always wanted to teach. I was hired as a kinder garden teacher aide.


In just a few weeks, a wealth of knowledge and experience poured out from Cheri unto me. I felt like I was living a scene from "The Matrix" in which Neo learns difficult skills in mere instances by simply plugging in and loading up.


Cheri's input and ideas extended far beyond the academic realm. She was more than just a school principal. She was a mother, a counselor, a teacher, a friend, an entertainer, an engineer, and a times - a firm disciplinarian. Cheri's unique style affected the whole school with a positive and playful attitude. It was not uncommon to see her skipping from classroom to classroom dressed as a princess or even a weight lifting champion. She inspired the children (and the teachers) to learn through play. For her, history was not a lesson - it was a discovery - and we were the voyagers.


Through Cheri, I learned that there was no such thing as a stupid student, just bad teachers. I learned that in each chair sat a unique and individual person. A child who could grow up to change the world if only his teacher got to know him and met his specific needs. I learned the value of not giving up. I discovered that the world is not flat, but full of angles. If an entrance to a child's mind is not granted through one method, there where still a million other ways to try. Cheri taught me to discipline in love, never losing the firmness that a child so desperately needs.


In the two years that I worked for her, Cheri saw me change and evolve. I may have never told her how much I learned from her, but I'm sure that she could tell. What I never got to tell her is the following...


I have a daughter. Her name is Kathryn. She looks just like me and she changed my life. I didn't know it, but my little Katy was born sick. Very sick. Deep down, on the chromosomal level, Katy was suffering constant attacks. Her brain was bombarded day and night. Her doctor didn't think there was anything wrong with her - until it was "too late".


By the time Katy was a year old, her brain had suffered serious traumas. There was very little hope for her recovery. But then the Geneticist told me about neuroplasticity, the brains ability to rewire itself and learn through undamaged brain sections. A child's brain is very resilient up to about two years of age. Basically, I had one year to teach my daughter all that she had missed. I thought of Cheri and the lessons she left imprinted on my heart. I know it was possible, if I gave it my best shot. So, I gave it my best shot!


I have cried, I have screamed and I have even bled - but I have not given up! As a result, my tow year old Katy is making a beautiful recovery. About a year ago, I was told she might not learn to walk. Today she walks, runs, springs and is even learning to jump. Her little mouth has started to blurt its first words and her way of play is just like any other child, save a minor delay. Katy is taking in the beauty of this world and discovering it bit by bit, because of what Cheri taught me.


I never got to tell her that, but when I meet her in heaven I will thank her for giving my child a second chance at life.
Michelle Gomez-Hays








Monday, July 14, 2008

Finding My Wings!

I have tried several times to write something for this blog dedicated to my beautiful wife Cheri. My daughter Jeni set this up and maintains it in her memory. No doubt Jeni (or Jenifer as she is called by all except me...she'll always be my Jeni!) and my other kids, Jason, Justin and Jonathan have a hard time writing as well. Not that we don't have plenty to write about but sometimes the pain is too great to put things down in words.

How do you sum up 36 years (2 years dating and engaged) of being around a living saint? Yes, I believe that Cheri was a saint in the truest sense. But I never appreciated her in that vein until she left us on the morning of June 12, 2008. I have sat and reminisced for hours on the past years of our life together. From the moment I saw here in early 1972 as I was enrolling at Berean Bible School in San Diego, CA., I knew she was a very special woman. There was something in her that literally made her glow with the joy of life. I soon found out that something was her love relationship with her Lord, Jesus Christ. God shined His favor on me and I won her heart and we married on June 22, 1974. Needless to say our early marriage was not one to brag about and I know that I made her life miserable with my attitude, anger and selfishness. She stuck it out though, and almost made it to our 34 anniversary (June 22, 2008).

I love my wife and I miss her in the most terrible way. God IS good and He is Faithful. He has covered my kids and I with grace, love and the prayers of literally thousands of His people, a large number of whom we don't even know. But, I still miss her! I am so blessed to have such wonderful, loving kids as I do. They have been a solid rock of support and encouragement to me as I have tried to be to them. I know they miss their mom very, very much. We all know where she is and also know that one day we will all be together again in the presence of our Father and our Lord. Until then life goes on.

One of Cheri's favorite songs is a relatively new one by Mark Harris titled "Find Your Wings". This song rally epitomizes her love, dedication and support for her students at Covenant Christian Academy in McAllen, TX. Ironically she went to be with her Lord right as she was turning into the school that fateful morning in June! Since I'm beginning to ramble allow me to share with you the chorus from the song that really highlights her love for own children and those at CCA.

"I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams,
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things,
I'm here for you whatever this lives brings,
So let my love give you roots and help you find your wings."

Sorry for the long post but I feel better! Bless you and yours!

Barney Sarver

How Mom dealt with grief

While going through Mom's "stuff" Dad came across a journal that had just a few entries. The original entry was right before my (Justin) third birthday and dealt with the loss of my twin brother Joel. Although it had been three years, Mom's memory of that day was still very much alive. Mom's words mean a lot to me as this was a subject we rarely discussed. I'm not very open with my feelings about anything really and Mom would breach the subject occasionally but we never discussed this in depth. I imagine her sweet soft voice in my head when I read this. I was trying to decide if I should leave anything out but I'd rather just post her thoughts in entirety.

February 7, 1985
The bittersweet experiences in life are a special learning and growing time. We have a choice not in the situations themselves but in how we react to them. As we trust in God our Father to direct our paths there is a certain assurance in which we can rest. Not that everything will always be exactly what we want it to be or that our dreams will come true but that we can be certain of God’s love and lean on Him. We can dream our dreams and set up some circumstances but God always has His final word. Who are we to change the plan and purposes of God? Life and death and eternity are in His hands. He gives and He takes. Can we manipulate Him? No I think not. Our greatest peace is in following after Him and His commandments.
I have seen life and I have seen death. I have felt the pains to deliver a life. Such an overwhelming joy – 10 fingers, 10 toes – soft fuzzy baby flesh. A soft cry, such bright lights and oh such a big world for one so small. (Where’s mama? Where’s my dark little hideaway and my companion to cuddle with. Help! I was forced from my place of security. The cord has been cut, my life line. I want my Mama.)
I have felt the pain to deliver another life but fear came and fierce pain. Concern and worry reflected off the faces around. Pray, oh please pray. Oh little one please come out. I want to count your 10 fingers and 10 toes. To feel your warm flesh next to mine. You have been a dream come true. How can it be that my dreams seem to be crumbling around me? I want you little one. Your brother is waiting, please join us. Pain grows stronger but life is not produced. I beg for prayer. I sense a disappointment, a knowing with in. Life will not come, and inability to come. Pain intensifies and then a dreamless sleep. Where am I? I open my eyes. How is the baby – he didn’t make it. He didn’t make it?? How can that be? He was mine! He grew within me. I felt his kicks, his summersaults, his wrestling with his brother. He’s gone? I can’t believe it. We prayed; begged, asked, beseeched. Somehow my dream is deflated. I have one dear little life ready t o grow but yet I want the other. I feel cheated. Tears are falling freely around, but I am yet stunned. A question. Do I want to see the life that became death? The 10 little fingers and 10 little toes that will never wiggle. Oh yes, no hesitation. He is still mine. A delicate bundle of love, eyes closed in eternal sleep. I touch his warm cheek. Oh please open your eyes dear little one, please live. I long to hold that dear body to my breast, to give him life. I lack in strength to rekindle that breath of life. They take my little Joel Roy – goodbye, goodbye I breathe out. I will see you in heaven with my Jesus. We will miss you so deeply. We had many great plans for you. I will no longer dream in double. You are only a body now to be taken and planted in the ground. You flesh loses the warmth I have given you. We no longer share life. I rejoice in the life of my Justin, his warm flesh comforts me in my grief but yet there is an ache. In His time, He makes all things beautiful…but how about my time, my dreams? His peace answers me …In His time, death will bring life. Life produced by death carries no bitterness, but a sweet fragrance. Though the bud was never unfolded and produced a full bloom, the fragrance has remained.
Nearly 3 years have passed since that time. Days, weeks, months have flown by. I was never more excited in my life when Dr. Ben Garza heard more than one heart beat. Twins a dream come true. I knew there was a possibility but to actually happen to me, what excitement! I danced the awkward jig that only a 7 month pregnant woman can dance. The sonogram on Feb 12, 1982 proved what we knew. Two babies developing within me. Now I understood the long period of morning sickness, the discomfort – double trouble, double pleasure, double fun. I read everything I could about twins – books, articles, I talk twins, dreamed about twins, thought about twins – told everyone I knew that I was going to have twins, I pictured myself pushing a twin stroller – nursing twins – time passed by swiftly and on March 11 I knew my time was close. Barney playin a B-Ball tournament came home about 11 and said “Don’t you dare have those babies tonight.” Well I let him sleep til 6:00. I awoke with a start! The bed was soaked – My water broke! We called the folks and Barney showered took a picture of me. What a belly!
Dad arrive first, Mom a minute later. Dad was afraid Mom was too slow. We took off for the hospital. My window wouldn’t close, so Barney was going slow. I was cool and calm by in active hard labor – I encouraged Barney to go just a little faster. He thought he had plenty of time because I was so calm! We hurried to OB ward – I told the nurses I was having twins and that I have babies very fast so call Dr. Ben. Of course the nurses, creatures of habit, had to check me out and then hurriedly called Dr. Ben. I wanted pillows for support but all they came up with is a bassinet mattress. It was frustrating but I didn’t have time to get up a fuss about my discomfort. Next time I’ll bring my own. Sure! They wheeled me in to deliver and after a few good pushed Justin “popped” out. What a joy. He was born at 6:59. I was ready to go again but the situation changed. After waiting a little we found that Joel changed his mind about birth. He circled past the birth canal and stretched sideway. His heart rate was getting difficult to pick up. Dr. Ben tried to change his position but couldn’t, a limp arm appeared at one time. I could read the concern and frustration in the faces around. We worked for a while and decided to do a C-section. In the hallway Dr. B told Barney he didn’t have much hope for the baby. The nurses asked me if I wanted to be fixed in order not to have anymore babies. I thought that was awfully thoughtless and inconsiderate of them. That is no time to press a woman for a decision. I was having such hard contractions- I couldn’t wait till they put me out. They said I came to in recovery and asked about the baby but I don’t remember that. I remember waking up and Barney crying by my bed. Joel died in delivery. What a terrible disappointment. Barney was crushed. Why me God was his cry. They showed Joel to me wrapped in a blanket. Such a beautiful little guy the only thing missing was his breath. It tore my heart when they took him away. I was constantly reminded of twins for the next 2 weeks. The nurses were twins; there were twins in the nursery, twins in the Dr’s office and twins at the health center. What a reminder. Time has past and now Justin will soon be celebrating his 3rd year of life. When we ask him where his brother Joel is, he points upward and says in heaven with Jesus. That is our hope and joy, to one day see our brother and son in heaven.
May 20, 2005
I read again my words expressed on paper and tears once again fill my eyes and wash over my face. I do miss my baby – time doesn’t really heal…I still feel his flesh – the pain, the disappointment, the grief – the empty arm – both should have held a son. Over 23 years have passed – Justin is a fine young man – he fills my heart with pride.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

It's all about family...


Family was important to Mom. Incredibly important. She was constantly connected to "the fam," checking in over e-mail, lots of phone calls, and most recently even texts and facebook messages! But even before she had a family of her own, she was surrounded by her two brothers and two sisters, and countless cousins. I think she always wanted a big family, because she had so much fun growing up. The stories of skiing in the canal, being locked in a water tank, using a cow trough as a hot tub...hours of fun with her brothers, sisters and cousins. She always instilled in us the importance of being friends with your siblings, treating each others as equals, respecting one another and always looking out for one another. We never fought. We weren't allowed, and today as adults we are closer than any siblings I know. Here's a photo of Mom, Grandpa Johnson and her four siblings, Kathy, Paul, Doug and Suzi. The last picture they took as a family. And here's a picture of us now...the new Sarver family. One less person on earth...but one more beautiful soul in heaven.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

A Proverbs Woman


This is the passage that Oscar Roan read at Mom's service. As I read through I thank God that we were blessed to have such a woman in our lives.

The Woman Who Fears the LORD

Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. 15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. 19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. 20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." Philippians 4:8

The mind is a powerful tool. To think on such things that are true, noble, right and pure, rather then on the ugly, harsh realities of this world is indeed a challenging-but rewarding-endeavor. Mom's death has provided amazing opportunities for self reflection and lots of time to think. Transforming our minds to think on things that are Holy, rather than earthly, enables us to refocus our eyes on heaven, giving God the glory, no matter the circumstance. My prayer for you, friends and family, is that you will think on SUCH things. It's what Mom would do.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Starbucks and The Trip of a Lifetime

In March, Mom and I traveled on a 10-day journey to China. We kept saying it was the "trip of a lifetime"...which, of course, turned out to be true for her. As much as we enjoyed eating interesting food, exploring new things and taking part in Chinese culture, there was one thing we couldn't do with out: STARBUCKS. Luckily, the westernization of China has included dropping a few hundred of the java joints around the country so weary Americans can stumble their way past thousands of years of culture and history to find a strong cup of coffee. Here's a couple of photos of Starbucks in Xian...


and in Beijing...


Check out all of the China pictures at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/15829594@N00/sets/72157604262980291/

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

There's that smile again...

One thing that everyone has said about Mom is that she was always smiling. It's true. I can't find any pictures of her without a smile. This one was taken in Honolulu in December, 2005. We were there to run the Honolulu Marathon. Of course, Mom was there to cheer us on...she always was. No matter what, she was our champion. Even if she couldn't tell a touchdown from a three-pointer in sports, or an A flat from a B sharp in piano...she cheered us on. I know she's still rooting for us from the heavens.

I'm Free

Read this & thought it could hardly be more appropriate or true, your mom was a candle that was never hidden under any bushel! She shined bright & by her light, many came to know. Hope this brings you comfort!

I'm Free
I’m Free Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free, I followed the path God laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard him call, I turned my back & left it all.
I could not stay another day to laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way I found peace at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void; Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much; Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief; Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee; God wanted me know, He has set me free!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

A Picture of Happiness


This picture just makes me smile...Jason, Jen and Mom on summer vacation in Colorado. (I presume Dad is on the other side of the lens!) All of my memories of Mom are of her smiling. She brought so much joy to our lives.

Napalm is very powerful but faith, forgiveness and love are much more powerful.

This story was on NPR yesterday and really struck a chord about the power of forgiveness. In dealing with our own emotions concerning Mom's death, it is an amazing reminder of the pain and suffering and others and the power of God to heal even the deepest wounds.

Kim Phuc is best known as the girl in the famous photo of a Vietnam War napalm-bombing attack near Saigon. She now lives in Toronto with her husband and two children. Her organization, Kim Foundation International, aids children who are war victims. (Photo credit: AP Photo/Nick Ut)


All Things Considered, June 30, 2008
By : Kim Phuc
On June 8, 1972, I ran out from Cao Dai temple in my village, Trang Bang, South Vietnam; I saw an airplane getting lower and then four bombs falling down. I saw fire everywhere around me. Then I saw the fire over my body, especially on my left arm. My clothes had been burned off by fire. I was 9 years old but I still remember my thoughts at that moment: I would be ugly and people would treat me in a different way. My picture was taken in that moment on Road No. 1 from Saigon to Phnom Penh. After a soldier gave me some drink and poured water over my body, I lost my consciousness.
Several days after, I realized that I was in the hospital, where I spent 14 months and had 17 operations.
It was a very difficult time for me when I went home from the hospital. Our house was destroyed; we lost everything and we just survived day by day.
Although I suffered from pain, itching and headaches all the time, the long hospital stay made me dream to become a doctor. But my studies were cut short by the local government. They wanted me as a symbol of the state. I could not go to school anymore.
The anger inside me was like a hatred as high as a mountain. I hated my life. I hated all people who were normal because I was not normal. I really wanted to die many times.
I spent my daytime in the library to read a lot of religious books to find a purpose for my life. One of the books that I read was the Holy Bible.
In Christmas 1982, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. It was an amazing turning point in my life. God helped me to learn to forgive — the most difficult of all lessons. It didn't happen in a day and it wasn't easy. But I finally got it.
Forgiveness made me free from hatred. I still have many scars on my body and severe pain most days but my heart is cleansed.
Napalm is very powerful but faith, forgiveness and love are much more powerful. We would not have war at all if everyone could learn how to live with true love, hope and forgiveness.
If that little girl in the picture can do it, ask yourself: Can you?
This essay was produced by Anne Penman for the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. NPR's This I Believe is independently produced by Jay Allison and Dan Gediman with John Gregory and Viki Merrick.

Full link at: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91964687