Where does my help come from?

This just doesn't get easier. All of the things people say about grief are true. It's unpredictable. It's a rollercoaster. It comes in waves. Right now I feel like I've been hit by a tsunami. How is it possible to go from calmly watching the Presidential debates to sobbing uncontrollably? How can I go from being perfectly OK and in control of my emotions to being a wreck? My only explanation is that the power of my emotion is rooted in the powerful love of my Mother. She was such an incredible human being with an enormous capacity for love, forgiveness and grace. She daily lived an examplary life. A life that made a difference. A life that invested in others, cared for others, loved others. My hope is to daily strive to be a fraction like her. To put others first. To have a serving, giving heart...I don't think I come close. But I'm trying. And, when I need encouragement I turn to the scriptures. Tonight, the verses of comfort come from Psalms.

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.

Happy Birthday, Boys!!!

In the past two weeks Jason and Jonathan both had "milestone" birthdays. Jason said goodbye to his 20s turning 30 and Jonathan said goodbye to his teens, turning the big 2-0! Mom would have been so proud to see her boys getting older and celebrating life. She always enjoyed making a spectacle of our birthdays. She knew how to make us feel special and loved, so this year I tried to do the same for the boys. Throwing Jason a big party in Washington and taking Jonathan out for a steak dinner in Austin. I think she'd be proud of the way we love and support each other. Happy Birthday boys...here's to many more years!

First Week of School!

Today (Friday, 8/29/08) marks the end of the first week of school at Covenant Christian Academy for the 08-09 year. This is the first time in 12 years that Cheri has not been there and the first time that the K4-8th graders have not had her there as either their teacher or principal. Tough week for almost all of the teachers including me.

Susie Booth, Laura Cohrs, Trica Salinas, Karen Heck Stephanie Back, Laural Griffin, Milton Gonzalez (our new principal) and most of other teachers and adults present were all in tears at the opening assembly in the new "Ms. Cheri's Gym" on Wednesday, the 27th. Especailly hard was the worship time led by Brandon Vale, CCA's Science teacher and an accomplished singer/musician. The Lord gave him a new song inspired by Cheri's slogan of "we are blessed to be a blessing". A great song but tough for us to sing since it reminded us of our loss. Cheri would have been excited (and she is) about the song. Good beat and meaningful words.

During the week so many of the little kids would run up and hug me and say "we are praying for your and your family", "I'm sorry that Ms Cheri's is gone", "Don't worry Mr. B, she is in Heaven with Jesus". Do you know how hard it is to hold back the tears when a little first or second grader tells you something like that? God gave me grace and strength because I did not want them to feel bad by bawling like a baby in front of them. Wonderful, sensative, Godly little kids. I'm so blessed to be able to be a part of the faculty at CCA.

That is the legacy the Cheri has left us and we will continue on to honor the Lord and her memory. CCA has grown and will continue on doing so as we trust the Lord and follow His leading in the management and growth of Covenant Christian Academy.

How are you spending your time?

Below is a link to an article written by Tony Snow in Christianity Today last summer. Jason found this article recently and shared it with me. Tony had a powerful perch from which to survey his life, knowing that his death was on the horizon. He did indeed die earlier this year, which makes this article even more poignant. It has some powerful messages for thinking about life, death and what happens in between. Even if you don't read the whole article, ponder this one comment:

"We don't know how the narrative of our lives will end, but we get to choose how to use the interval between now and the moment we meet our Creator face-to-face."

I know that my Mom spent every moment of her life serving and loving others. At her death, she was ready to meet her Creator confident that she had spent her time wisely.

How are you spending your time?

Cancer's Unexpected Blessings
When you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change.
Tony Snow posted 7/20/2007 02:30PM

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/article_print.html?id=47315

Just to hear her voice...

One of the hardest things about dealing with Mom's death has been the loss of her sweet voice…her joyous, lovely, comforting voice. She’d call and leave voicemails (one, two or three times a day, sometimes!), and she’d say, “Hey hunnnn…it’s your favorite Mom. Love you!” or “Hey doll…just checking in. I love you.” We were never a family to record family outings or events, so sadly we don’t have much in the way of video archives to play back and hear her. But, thanks to modern technology, I have a quick clip (courtesy of Melodie Fleming), of her in May of this year, a few short weeks before her death. She’s reading scripture and encouraging the kids at school at the CCA Awards Ceremony. I’ve been playing it over and over at my desk. It comforts me and brings a smile to my face to be able to hear that sweet voice again. Enjoy.

Back to School

Today is Back to School day for teachers at Covenant Christian Academy, the school where Mom spent countless hours each week over the last decade. Right about now, she would have been running around like crazy helping teachers get their classrooms ready, interviewing last minute parents, testing students, making sure there were enough supplies, making sure the best teachers were hired, and ready to teach and love on the CCA kids. All of the teachers, students and parents called her “Miss Cheri.” She loved to stand out in the driveway during carpool doling out hugs and kisses to the kiddos as they made their way to and from campus. She also loved to dress up and entertain the kids. This is a picture of her as her Swedish Grandma. Complete with a mock Swedish accent she’d visit classrooms, cook up special dishes and treat the kids to stories of her adventures. She was a total goofball because she knew if they were enjoying themselves that learning would come even easier. She always had a kind word of encouragement to share with the parents, the kids and the staff. She prayed daily for each of them, desiring so deeply for them to know the Lord and to pursue excellence in every aspect of their lives. I miss hearing about it all. I miss the daily phone calls to catch up, to vent, to gossip and to learn all that was happening on campus. I pray that the teachers and staff at CCA are keeping her memory alive by being the best teachers, administrators, counselors, mentors and friends that they can possibly be. Mom would want nothing less then the absolute best.

"Held" - Natalie Grant